Be Patient with Yourself

“Be patient with yourself,” my friend told me one day as I expressed frustration at things not moving fast enough toward fulfilling a personal goal.

“Okay,” I said agreeably. But then as I thought about that phrase, I realized I didn’t really know what it meant. Oh sure, I knew what all the words mean individually, but strung together as a phrase? I had no idea how to apply it.

I’ve never thought about being patient with myself; I thought of that attribute as being patient with God, or His timing, or patience with other people. It never occurred to me that I need to be patient with myself. And having never considered it, it was a new concept. “Be patient with yourself.” It felt like when my mom would tell me before leaving for school each day, “Remember who you are.” I understood the words, but it wasn’t until much, much later in my life that the actual meaning of those words started to sink deep into my soul. As I pondered what it might mean to be patient with myself, I hoped it wouldn’t take as long to understand what it meant for me.

Two days later I was at my cello lesson. Playing the cello is a new endeavor for me. I’ve played the piano since I was five and am quite capable at that, so learning to read music wasn’t challenging for me. What was proving to be more difficult than I had anticipated was the physicality of playing this new and unwieldy instrument. It didn’t matter how many other people I had seen play the cello, every movement of theirs reflecting grace and beauty; all I knew was that when I tried to play, translating the written notes from the page into audible notes sounded like cats having a mating ritual on a backyard fence.

At this particular lesson I was growing increasingly frustrated with myself at not being able to play what should have been the simplest of tunes without an infinite amount of mistakes and decidedly un-pretty tones. The uglier it sounded, the more I despaired at ever being able to reach a level of competence. My teacher smiled gently and said, “Laura, be patient with yourself.”

I was startled at her choice of words – the exact words my friend had used with me earlier that week. Then I laughed at the sheer simplicity of what that phrase suddenly meant to me.

Just because I already know how to read music doesn’t mean I can pick up any instrument and immediately play it with any sort of skill.

Spirit vs. Mortality

In a flash I saw myself in the pre-existence, watching others as they gained a body and went to earth. I’m sure my naive, spirit-body self thought I knew everything there was to know simply because I had watched others do it and had a vague understanding on some sort of intellectual level of what it would mean to have a physical body and experience mortality. The reality is that our spirits and bodies are very different from each other, and a large portion of our human experience is spent trying to train our bodies to do what our spirits know is best.

We are, all of us, immense spirits crammed into comparatively tiny bodies, and those bodies cannot do everything we want them to. Our physical brains are limited as well, and must re-learn many things we used to know, as well as reconcile all the experiences we were sent here to gain. Those limitations are sensations that our spirits may never get used to. We are learning to be the master of our bodies, not let our bodies master our spirit. It is a physical effort that requires great spiritual strength, and requires a great deal of patience…with ourselves.

“…many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself. Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey.

“…be patient with yourself. God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect. And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet.

“God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, (see Ether 12:27) But he knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, (see 3 Nephi 12:48) and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2011, “Forget Me Not.”)

Be Gentle with Yourself

No matter what you are doing, or what goals you’ve set for yourself, if you’re learning a new skill, or figuring out the best way to parent that one child that seems intent on challenging you every day, be gentle with yourself. It may seem that you are walking with stumbling steps through this mortal existence. But you don’t know everything, even if you think you should.

Remember this: you are better today than you were yesterday. And tomorrow you’ll be better than you were today.

As for that song that I struggled with on the cello? I sound like Yo-Yo Ma now when I play it! (Well, almost.) I never would have gotten there if I had given up in that moment, frustrated that I couldn’t make it sound the way I knew it should. I needed time to reconcile what my mind knew it should sound like with what my physical body was actually capable of doing.

Celebrate what you’ve done well, and ask for help with what you lack yet.

Be patient with yourself.

 

Posted by Laura

2017-07-12T10:58:35-07:00

About the Author:

Laura will be the first to tell you she’s not perfect. That’s why she loves the restored gospel, and loves the atonement.

2 Comments

  1. Ann Henstrom January 18, 2017 at 11:34 am

    Oh how I love this. This is so, so true! Thank you for writing it so beautifully and tangibly, Laura :-).

  2. Laura Palmer January 19, 2017 at 7:56 am

    This is a concept I’ve learned over the past few years. How I wish I’d understood it sooner in my life. Patience with myself and the understanding that I can be an even better me tomorrow than I am today is what brings hope. It is that hope brings peace to my soul.

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